Do you ever regret a life decision so wholly and honestly that it almost gives you chills? Emotion is therapy. Emotion is life.
I lost touch with a great friend when I was in my early 20's. I miss him. I miss not having been a part of his life for the past 10-13 years. I miss not being there for him in the best of times or during the bleakest of times. Similarly, I miss the prospect of him sharing those same moments for me.
Please don't misunderstand- I am not lamenting because I don't find these qualities elsewhere- I'm simply pained by the regret of letting someone go because I was too immature and myopic about life. My own insecurities and selfishness was an impediment to me seeing that there was more to life than brooding and self loathing.
I love my wife without end. I have family and friends who would quite literally do anything for me. My life is pretty darn good. I have zero complaints. I do, however, regret letting go of not only a great man, but letting go of a family that treated me as their own. I'm sure I caused hurt, or at the very least a little bit of consternation. I would like to apologize for my immaturity; though how?
As a 20 year old I'm sure I was selfish. That's sort of a right of passage for high school grads, twenty-something's, and other young adults. Not making excuses, but it seems to happen to everyone.
Maybe someday I will find a way to re-join his life. It'd be great to spend time together again and enjoy each others company. I'd love our wives to meet, and someday for our kids to do that as well.
I'm not giving up hope, I'm not quitting, Instead I'll just let things happen... and when/ if an opportunity presents itself I'll not miss it.
Peace
AM Son
